Bull-ish.com

I ran into a little dilemma yesterday. Im driving along on my daily travels, drinking a 7-11 coffee. Just a normal day. All of a sudden it hits me. Too much coffee, I have to find a restroom. The closest thing to me at the time was a Pizza restaurant, so I pull over and walk inside.

Its early in the day so not many people were in the Pizza restaurant, just a family enjoying the Pizza Buffet. I make my way into the bathroom and looked around. There is one stand up urinal and a handicap stall. Now I cant wait much longer or I will be standing in a puddle. I look and see an empty wheelchair with the owner standing up using the urinal. I start walking towards the handicap stall and the guy using the urinal gives me a funny look, as if he was thinking…

"I know you aren’t going to use the handicap toilet with me, a handicap man, standing right here"

What do I do? Well I gotta go, so I ask the guy "is it ok if I use this" pointing to the handicap stall. He says "its a handicap toilet, are you handicap?"

I look to see if he was joking, but he was dead serious. I then said "Excuse me, I figured that you were already using the urinal and there aren’t any other handicap people around so maybe I could just use this one, I was only asking you to be polite" He went on about how he hates every time he goes to a public restroom and people are using the handicap toilet and he cant go, was really rude about it and went on and on. In the middle of his conversation I walked into the handicap toilet and did my business, I just couldn’t wait any longer. I got out, washed my hands and walked out.

As I was making my way through the Pizza restaurant to leave, the handicap guy rolled up behind me, calling me rude and making a scene. I was a little embarrassed and getting a little angry at the same time as I felt that he was out of line in this situation. The manager came out and stopped me, lecturing me about handicap people and how others are so rude. Finally I turned around and told him…

"Handicap toilets are for easier access to people in wheelchairs, its made so that you can get from the wheelchair to the toilet. Its not your personal toilet. You are handicap and using the urinal, I didnt go in complaining that you are using my toilet! you know why? ITS NOT MY TOILET, just like the handicap toilet is not your toilet."

The manager then kicked me out of that Pizza restaurant and told me I cant come there again.

What did I do wrong?

Maybe Im a little messed up, and if I am please explain to me why.

You know what I think is so disgusting? People who use handkerchiefs. Think about this, some guy or gal has a cold, sniffling and sneezing, you can hear the mucus rattling in their nose. They pull out a handkerchief and blow their nose into it. All of that mucus and snot is blown all into that little piece of cloth. They then fold it up and put it in their pocket to use later.

That is just plain gross

I was in a fast food restaurant the other day and while I was waiting in line this guy pulled out a handkerchief. He then blew his nose into the handkerchief. Next he wrapped it around his finger and started digging in his nose. He did that pretty much the whole time he was in line, didn’t even stop when he was giving his order. I felt like asking him to stop.

Till this day, whenever I see someone pull a handkerchief out of their pockets, I get a little sick on the stomach. Every once in a while, you’ll run into someone that will hand you their handkerchief. You’re eating something and get something on your face, and some guy pulls out his handkerchief and offer it to you, like you really want to use someone elses snot rag to wipe their face.

If you are one of those people that use handkerchief’s, Im begging you to stop and buy those pocket size Kleenex packs. The handkerchief thing is just nasty

Why do things like this keep happening to me? I was in Walmart today, I only had to pick up 2 things and I was in a rush. There was talk of snow in the news (which we didn’t get) so many people were in Walmart stocking up. I went to pay for my items and of coarse they were about 4 cashiers short of sufficiently supporting the rush. I look and there was one express lane that only had 1 person in line. I push my cart (yea one of the items was pretty big) over to the lane and got behind the guy in the line.

The guy in front of me looked to be about 30, had clearly more than the 10 items that the express lane called for. I figured this should still be quick, then I notice that he hadnt even put any of his items on the conveyor belt.

I looked to make sure the lane was open….It was

I looked to make sure the cashier was ready….He was

What was the hold up? I started to think maybe the cashier just turned on the light and was getting ready, or maybe they were waiting on a price check. Nope, the cashier was waiting, the line was open, the only hold up with this man with his 20 or so items. I waited a second, looked around, then looked at the guy. This bozo is standing in line smiling like a goofball sending text messages on his phone. I though, this silly mutha- then I stopped, cause I don’t usually curse, not even to myself. I asked him…

"Excuse me sir, are you in line?"

He doesn’t look up, sitting there smiling and pecking away at his phone like a pre-teen girl. By this time Im getting frustrated. I lean over, so that maybe I can catch his eye and said a little louder

"Excuse me, are you waiting for something?"

Figuring if he wants to chat, he could at least let me go since I only have 2 items. He still never look up. Finally, I said in a loud voice that he just could not ignore

"YO!!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING ON!!! YO, AYE… YOU’RE HOLDING THE LINE UP, ARE YOU WAITING ON SOMETHING?"

He stopped smiling and looked at me, I said again…

"Are you gonna buy that stuff? Whats up?"

He put his hands on his cart, like he was going to push it, then I see this lady that looks like it could’ve been his mother rushing to the cart with a bottle of hand lotion.

Now thats some Bull-Ish!!!

I loaned out my electric griddle. Yea I have an electric griddle, I love cooking breakfast on it. Eggs, bacon, that tasty maple sausage…

I want my griddle back!!!

The other morning I awake with thoughts of maple sausage cooked on my electric griddle. I decided I’m going to go get my griddle and cook me some maple sausage. I don’t care if it is 5 A.M. Expecting to wake that freeloading bugger up, I rang his doorbell about 3 or 4 times, followed by a few bangs with my fist like the police. He quickly opened the door and let me in. He looked pretty tired. Not like I just woke him, but like he hasn’t been to sleep.

Before I can ask him about my griddle, I asked whats wrong with you, why aren’t you sleep. Before I can finish questioning him, I noticed something. I take in a deep whiff and noticed a familiar smell.

You’re cooking maple sausage on my Griddle? I asked. He said its a long story….

The night before, he was out with friends. Hangin out at Walmart, buying toothpaste and Ramen noodles, you know, the essentials of life. He got a couple cases of Coors lite for the week, and headed out to their respective cars. He stopped to get gas and there were a few girls in a minivan that just left a local club and were really drunk and flirty.

He picked one and had a nice little conversation that lead back to his house and you can guess the next step.

Afterwards, he had what he considered to be the "closing chat" with the young lady and the evening was over, they both go home to their own beds and sleep off the shame. But something didn’t happen the way he expected.

She didn’t leave!!!

He was up all night, He couldn’t sleep cause he wanted her to leave, and she was snoring like pitbull. He was nice, figured he’d let her get an hour or 2 then try the "closing chat" bit again and she’d go home.

Needless to say, I am at his house, it is about 6 A.M and she is in the kitchen cooking maple sausage on my griddle. This story makes me want to give every lady out there this little message. If you are the type that occasionally engage in  trampy  promiscuous er Spontaneous activities such as this…

You don’t stay, unless you are asked to stay!!!

You don’t ask him if its ok. You don’t assume that since you had such a good time he wants you to stay. You don’t assume he wants you to stay at all. what you can assume is he wants you to go home. it has no bearing on how much fun you guys had, or how well the evening went, HE WANTS YOU TO GO HOME. Have your "closing chat", say bye and hop into your car and go to your place of residence.

If he wants you to stay, he will ask. Dont make him kick you out, or let you stay and avoid you from then on. cause that is what will happen.

In a few days we will be ringing in the new year. This year has been a trip. Today I want to introduce you to my version of year end awards, Bull-ish style. The first award on this list is for the most embarrassing moment of 2007. 

Maxim is a popular mens magazine that usually have list like Hollywood’s 100 sexiest women etc. This year they did something a little different. They published a list named "5 unsexiest women alive". Yes I did say unsexiest. Boy did they hit the nail on the head with their number one choice. Sara Jessica parker. It seems like they found the worse possible picture of her to associate with her spot at the top.

Sarah Jessica Parker taking the number one spot in Maxim’s 5 unsexiest women alive list isn’t what won most embarrassing moment of 2007. Just imagine how embarrassed Mathew Broderick, her husband and former Ferris Bueller star was to read about this. He has to hear it from his friends, reporters asking him about it everywhere he goes. Id imagine the first time he was asked about it, he probably looked a little like this…

Even though this isn’t really an award to be proud of, Sarah Jessica parker doesn’t seem to mind it that much, when asked about it in an interview she responded ‘I never thought I was sexy". I bet Mathew isn’t taking it as lightly

Pimpin is an old profession. Throughout the years there have been millions of people making a living with their stable of women. "Better have my money" is he words uttered out of the mouthes of many when Pimps are looking to get paid. Todays Pimp come in all forms, some Pimp with the traditional Pimp / Whore set up that we are all use too. But if you look closely there is some Pimpin goin on without the use of whores. Actually the women they are aligned with to get paid are in a lot of cases very smart, nice, wholesome women. Still beautiful and us guys are still pretty much attracted to them. But there is no sex involved. Not even a little cleavage. Just a pretty face and imagination.

The smiley face Pimps of the net is what I call them. These Pimps are all happy smiling internet entrepreneurs. Not looking to do anything any less moral than your sweet grandmother. And the women that are being Pimped are doing so in a very respectful manner. No shame or disrespect here. Its all a complete mutually beneficial arrangements. Why do I call them Pimps? Well what they do is create some form internet entertainment, most of the time video, headed up or occasionally featuring a very pretty young lady. What would you rather watch, a internet show with some bearded overweight guy in a skull cap talking about his favorite past time, or a very pretty bubbly young lady?

Who are these Pimps of the net?

Well I’m not going to list all of the Pimps of the net but I’m going to go down the top 5.

Theres one thing I don’t understand. Why is it that people are like they are. I always have had a lot of respect for "working" people, no matter what they do. Its all work, they are making a living. I respect that. What I hate is when people act like their job is so hard that they have the right to be nasty to you. I hate to stereotype but I find that with a lot with people that work in 7-11s and other gas station/convenient stores. To take this stereotype even further, it seems like its even worse when there are women working in the store. Not all the time, but enough to where it is very noticeable. 

The other morning I went to a 7-11, I was getting gas and a soda. It was really early so no one was in the store except for the 2 ladies that worked there. There were 2 registers open, a girl standing behind each. I walk into the store, in a pretty good mood and walked over to one of the registers with a soda in my hand.  Neither of the girls are saying anything, just standing there as if they are waiting for a customer. I stand there for about 20 seconds while they both are staring at me as if I’m not waiting for anything. The girl behind the register where I was waiting  grabbed the closed sign and puts it on the counter in front of me. I’m thinking that was a little rude but I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was closed and forgot to put the sign up since no one was in the store.

I walked over to the other register.

"I’m closed, she can help you" the second girl says.

Now, one girl has thrown the closed sign in front of me. The second girl tells me she’s closed and to see the first girl. I look back at the first girl and she says

"Im closed" and points to the sign.

Normally this would be very frustrating, but I just laughed to myself. I asked if there was anyone else working? No Answer. Finally the first girl said

"I’ll ring you up…Damn" with a real nasty attitude.

Now thats some Bull-ish!!!